So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
