she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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