I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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