And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
