You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
