it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
