even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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