Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
