Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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