Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
