My sheets look like a crime scene.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
