he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
nutella sex= disaster
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
