new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
