you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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