I have demons in me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
