it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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