i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
