i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
