my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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