just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
