I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize