Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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