I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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