You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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