went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
