I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
