so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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