He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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