No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
