just tell him i said nine months
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
