so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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