i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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