After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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