I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
