Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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