There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
