3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
