imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
