true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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