it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
