I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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