Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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