i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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