I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
