I can text with my tongue
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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