I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
