I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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