Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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