I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
