he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
