Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
