I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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