The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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