She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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