i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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