I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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