I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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