don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
