you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
