Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
