man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He did a backflip because drugs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
