Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
