I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
